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2 comments«1»Anonymous readerReport 2016-10-13 15:12:03Im going to be honest. Try working on developing your characters and plot more before they start rooting. Eporner lol.«1» Also, try building up to the sex, it will keep the audience engaged. Also, try building up to the sex, it will keep the audience engaged. 2 comments«1»Anonymous readerReport 2016-10-13 15:12:03Im going to be honest. Try working on developing your characters and plot more before they start rooting. You have potential but it needs a lot of work. Also, try building up to the sex, it will keep the audience engaged. You have potential but it needs a lot of work. Finally work on your structure, a new line for a new speaker.diehard25flReport 2011-09-26 22:17:51good fake story. 2 comments«1»Anonymous readerReport 2016-10-13 15:12:03Im going to be honest. Try working on developing your characters and plot more before they start rooting. Finally work on your structure, a new line for a new speaker.diehard25flReport 2011-09-26 22:17:51good fake story. lol.«1» 2 comments«1»Anonymous readerReport 2016-10-13 15:12:03Im going to be honest.