Swear on my pinky, with a naughty little twist

What’s disturbing is not that Gargamel has clearly thought so much about sexually torturing Smurfs that he would build a specific device to facilitate this — I mean, he’s Gargamel, this is pretty much what he does — but it is disturbing that the author has clearly thought so much about sexually torturing Smurfs that he is able to describe a Smurf rape rack with such precision and detail. XXX ” Who are you?,” Smurfette asked in a dreamy voice. Please don’t eat me!?,” Smurfette pleaded. Slowly she came too, seeing his ugly face in front of her’s. Gargamel spread Smurfette’s legs apart, and placed each ankle into a separate loop cinching them down too. Ahem. Everyone knew he was a confirmed bachelor. 
Confirmed bachelor” isn’t what I would have called him, but all right. The contents slowly rolled out. I would like to give credit where credit is due, since this is not a story of my own making.